"It is remarkable fact that while millions of men and women have no difficulty in falling in love, at least half of that number seem unable to stay in love.."
These words really shocked me and seemed to have penetrated in my whole being. At the time I have read this, I was so depressed about my relationship with my husband... He's the one that all I ever wanted ever since, yet, after years of our marriage and adjustment period, I'm still not happy with him. This is not what I dreamed of. Although he's a good man, a responsible husband and a father, I can't understand why I feel like, "I wish he was the guy I usually see on romantic movies I have watched." There are times that I wanna hear him saying how much he loved me or how do I look good in his eyes, or does he still feels the same way now as the first time when he married me. He would say, " of course I did.....don't you know that? " words that I can't feel. I feel very empty.. confused and a little sad. I wanna feel the spark of love that they are saying but I guess I need to do something to make it happen. I have to find the answers to my own questions before I got drown into somebody else's arms.
Well, I guess God really heard my concerns when I happened to drop by in a bookstore. I found a wonderful book that changed my life. I learned a lot of things. Things that brought me to take a look back in the past.I was so surprised to realize that I was so wrong . All this time, I thought it was my husband's fault why I'm like this. To my belief, he's the very reason why I felt this way.. that he was the one to blame. I realized that I was so unfair. I want to be appreciated but I never did that to him. I want to hear him say how beautiful I am in his eyes but I never complimented his dashing looks. I know how the girls in his office wanted him so much, but I never saw it. I have also forgotten how he makes my heart jump whenever he holds me tight and caresses me.How he makes my day so happy for just a smile coming from him. How he laughed to my corny jokes and listened to the story of my life..how he helped me to smile when I don't feel good. How he changed my life and become a better person.How he loved me in spite of my mood swings, craziness and being a not- ideal-wife...
From that day on, I promised myself to try to look on his face and see him in a different way. I tried to look only the good things about him and not to compare him with other man in my dreams.I should be able to focus only unto him and no one else. I also tried to lessen my work load just to be with him.
At first, it was very difficult to get the same response that I wanted. It came to the point that I almost surrendered but as time goes by, he had also changed little by little and turned into a more beautiful and a lovable person. I can feel now how much he appreciates me and how he loved me so much even in our intimacy...
Truly, an agape love (selfless love) is very hard.. But the fruit of it is self rewarding..If you wanted to be loved, you must prepare yourself to be hurt and even forget yourself for somebody whom you loved. After all, happiness can only be found if you worked hard for it!!
-lecaj-
